Be sure to follow me on twitter! @trustmeitsnot
Last night I was up late with my girlfriends having a conversation about life and love. None of them have ever gone through an experience like I have but they still try and understand my feelings and pain. We ended up talking about how I wish someone told me whenever they saw a red flag with my exes. The approval from my friends and family, and their opinions, are very important to me. I would trust them with my life, so naturally I trust their opinion of people. When I said all this one of my friends said that it would have been very hard to tell me to end my relationship or that there were really bad signs, because she saw how in love I was. This got me thinking and part of me believes she was right. If one of my friends came up to me and said Max was a bad guy and I deserved more I would have gotten very upset and defensive. Many times you can't see a situation clearly when you are in it, and I think that is exactly what would have happened to me. Now that I realize this, I told my friends if I am ever in a situation again that they don't think is healthy, or one that may cause me harm, to tell me. The lessons I learned with Sam and Max showed me how important the opinions of friends and family are, and how you need to be open, take in advice, and not get defensive. I'm not saying that you have to listen to their advice every time, but just remember they have your best interests in mind, so maybe they are onto something. I have learned that I need to be open with my friends and that they may have insight that I am not seeing. Remember, you have great friends and a support system and you can get through anything. Until next time!
Be sure to follow me on twitter! @trustmeitsnot
0 Comments
The moment is going to come for us all when we have to face a dreaded step in the breakup process; seeing your ex in a picture with their new boyfriend/girlfriend. That day happened to be today for me. I saw a picture of Max smiling and happy with his new girlfriend. Even though it has been just about four months, a wave of anxiety came over me, the crying started, and the cycle of blame began again. Dealing with a breakup is not easy, and these little things make it worse. Even though you can hide an ex from your Facebook news feed, Twitter feed, and Instagram, many times you still feel the need to look. That is exactly how I am, and it is how I saw the picture. I consider these moments to be extremely difficult, but vital in the breakup process. No matter what, there will be a day when you see a picture, wall post, or video that will overwhelm you. But, it is so important to have those moments and move on from them, because it shows just how strong you are. When I look back on this moment in a few months, I am sure the pain will not be as harsh. You just have to get through all of these things and come out the other side. If we avoid each painful step, we will never truly get over what happened in our past. These steps get us closer and closer to being okay once again. Thanks for reading everyone. These blog posts are a great release for me and I hope you are enjoying them!
When you are going through a breakup, everything is going to remind you of your ex. It is inevitable. When I was going through my breakup with Sam every time I saw the store he worked at, I thought of him. This was very difficult because I come from a really populated area, where this store is insanely common. As I continue to deal with my breakup with Max, every time I see a black Chevy, the car he drove, I am reminded of him. And to tell you the truth I see those A LOT. The question I always ask myself is, how do I handle these reminders? Every time I feel a wave of pain and sadness, what do I do? Well, I started following a great piece of advice from a blog I read. The advice was to find a way to laugh at a painful situation. Look for something humorous in the darkness. It makes the pain a tiny bit better, which is many situations is all I can ask for. I know this advice may seem a little generic and cliche, but trust me when I say it works and is true. A good sleep and laugh are two of the best cures for anything, and many times a breakup brings sleepless nights, so look for a way to laugh and smile. Read a funny book, I suggest Amy Poehler's book Yes Please, watch comedy on YouTube, catch an episode of Modern Family, or look at silly old pictures of you and your friends (not with the ex though)! Do what you can to laugh and try and remember that one day your smile will return, and you will make it through the pain you feel.
Until next time! Be sure to follow me on twitter @trustmeitsnot Hi everyone! When you are going through a breakup sometimes the best way to move on is by having a lot of distractions and keeping busy. That is exactly what I did when Max and I broke up and it really helped. I decided to share that story with all of you today. Back in January when all of this was first happening I figured focusing on myself was the best way to distract myself from the pain I was feeling in my heart. This when when I dove into after college planning head first. I was a senior in college and had to start job searching and making a plan. I started job searching on sites like Indeed, Careerbuilder, and Monster, just to get a sense of my options. Once I saw what companies were looking for I fixed up my resume, created a great cover letter, and began applying. And let me tell you, it was the perfect way to distract myself from my personal problems. After applying to countless jobs I ended up getting 12 interviews and five job offers. All of the interview days, preparation, and appointments kept me busy and got my mind off of Max (for the most part). I do not usually say things like this, but I was so proud of myself and what I had accomplished. Even though I had been feeling so broken inside, distracting myself with this planning really helped me focus on myself and put my life together. I was able to succeed despite everything that I was feeling personally. As Ingrid Michaelson says, all the broken hearts in the world still beat. This saying resonates with my story above because despite everything I was going through, life still continues and moves. We just have to learn how to manage our pain and move with it.
If you have been reading my blogs for a little while, it is probably clear that I am a very emotional person. I take many things personally and I get emotional over a lot of issues, especially breakups. Since I am so emotional and I get attached to people, I often find myself wondering if reconnecting with an ex is a good idea or a bad one. Now, even if it was a bad idea, if I get it in my mind that I want to reconnect, I probably will. This is because for years I had it in my mind that I could win back an ex. I thought that if I reconnect I could slowly get things back to how they were. Now, I realize that thinking that way isn't a smart idea, and it isn't what I want either. But, is it a good idea to reconnect with an ex if you miss the friendship? Is it okay to reach out if you just want that friendship back, or if you want to check in because you care? The answer that I have come up with due to my own experiences has two parts. The first is yes, it is okay, and the second part is, only if you are strong enough to handle it. For example, when Sam and I broke up we tried to be friends right away, and it backfired. Now, almost three years later, we are finally in a place where we can talk, meet up, and be friends with no romantic feelings or attachments. I actually saw him last night and it was a great time. This is why I am able to say that I believe it is okay to reconnect, but only when you are ready. It isn't smart to test a friendship only a few weeks out. Now this is different for everyone, but if your relationship ended on good terms and you want your ex involved in your life just for friendship, I think that can be worked out. I love reflecting on situations like this because it makes me realize that I made it through some of the most painful times and I came out the other side. I never thought I would be able to get through the pain, and I did, and I even came out of it all with a friend.
When I was broken up with my by first boyfriend it took me a VERY long time to move one. About a year and a half to be exact. This was for many reasons. I felt scared, untrusting, and nervous, but I also felt another emotion. Guilt. Even though he broke up with me, I felt so guilty for talking to other guys. I felt like it was my job to remain single and wait for him to come back to me. After a long period of waiting I realized how insane that was. It is okay to take as long as you need to in order to recover from a break up. If it takes you a week, a month, or even a year, that is all fine. It is important to go at your own pace. But, it is important to not guilt yourself into staying single and living in the past. I did that for so long. Every time I tried to move on I felt a wave of guilt. It was a horrible helpless feeling. But, once I stopped and asked myself why I was feeling guilty, my outlook began to shift. Why should I feel guilty? He broke up with me, it had been a year, and he was happy with someone else. Why shouldn't I be happy too? It took me a long time to come to this realization, but it showed me how important it is to question your feelings and to be in touch with your thoughts and emotions. Many times we question other peoples' feelings, we need to be able to communicate with ourselves and grow. This is one important lesson both of my breakups taught me. There is always a bright side to every storm.
Hi everyone! Today I wanted to create a short blog on how I got the name, Trust Me It's Not You. I write about it in the About section, but here I am going to provide a bit more detail. Years ago when I was going through my breakup with Sam I constantly blamed myself. I did not understand why we broke up or how to move on. After describing the situation to numerous friends and members of my family, the main take away I got was that I didn't do anything wrong. Sam chose to end our relationship because he had developed feelings for someone else. This wasn't due to anything I did. We began dating at such a young age that it is natural for us to have grown apart. As we got older, we began to realize we wanted different things and had different goals. This is no reason to blame yourself for the end of a relationship. My mom would always say, "trust me, this is natural, people grow apart." When I decided to blog about this I needed a title. I thought back to all the conversations I have had and a common theme was people telling me to trust them, and I did nothing wrong. This lead to me coming up with, Trust Me It's Not You. I wanted all my readers to remind themselves to never blame themselves and always know that you are enough!
Until next time! Hi everyone! I hope all of you have been enjoying the blogs! Before I dive into today's topic, if there is anything you are interested in hearing about, or have questions, leave a comment below and I will be sure to address it!
I wanted to take some time to blog about friendships during a breakup. Many times, when you are dating someone their friends become your friends and vise versa. This can make things really hard, especially when you want to get your ex out of your head and move on. Another thing that can be really hard is when a friend is the one who introduced you to your ex. Now you have to deal with a mutual friend, and that makes things extremely tough, trust me, I've been there. For example, I was introduced to Max through a mutual friend. Now, whenever I see our friend, I think about Max and she often reminds me of him. Now, it is very important to remember that this person is NOT your ex. While you may think of your ex when you see them, it is important to remember that this is your friend who has your best interests at heart. I would worry a lot about losing my friend because of my breakup. The best advice I can give is to talk to your friend/friends about how you feel. Just like in a romantic relationship, communication is so important. If you don't tell your friends how you feel, they may have no idea! If you are worried about your ex coming between you both, or if you are unsure how to handle the entire situation, talk it out. I know that I kept my feelings bottled up for a while, which did no good. Once I talked to my friend I felt SO much better and a huge weight was lifted off of my shoulders. Talk to your friends, tell them how you feel, and go from there. That is the best way to start this process of navigating life after a breakup! Talk soon everyone and thanks for reading! This blog was something I wrote last year. I kept it in a folder on my computer, not sure what to do with it. But, I think it can help all of you. Just like how it helped me once I read it again.
The Palm Reading: On Saturday August 17, 2013 I went a fair with a few of my close friends.We were walking up a hill and came across a pop-up tent that was featuring two women claiming to be psychics. They offered a variety of readings such as palm, tarot card, psychic, and full life (each one varying in price of course). There was a huge line so instead of waiting we decided to keep walking and eventually come back to the tent, if time permitted. Later on, after we had wasted countless dollars of delicious fair food, we wound up back to these two very alluring psychics. Not sure why this appealed to us so much, maybe the chance to see into our futures was part of it, to see if what we have been working so hard to make perfect, would be worth it. We all waited about 30 minutes. I decided to splurge for the palm reading, meaning I went for the cheapest way to get ripped off by the chain smoking psychics. But much to my surprise, this woman somehow seemed to know a lot about me. She looked at my palm and looked me in the eyes and said that she can tell I have a lot of joy and happiness on my face that I put on for other people but inside I was hurting, and sad. She can tell that someone had hurt me very badly, and I had put a wall up around my heart. And she then told me that my relationship had no closure. And that I had one foot in the past, and one in the present. I had been feeling that way, and saying that to myself for months. For this woman to get so much out of me, and be so dead on with my emotions and feelings, was shocking. A big part of me wonders how much of this is rehearsed and a crock of shit, but some of it really resonated with me, and made me think. It is time to move on. She told me that love is coming soon, and to be patient. I need to stop comparing other men to him, because that is preventing love from coming into my life. That statement couldn’t be truer. I always look at other men and think; I wonder if they will treat me like him, will they hurt me like he did. But I also think of the good things. I wonder if they will hold me when I cry, just like Sam did, and even more importantly, will they love me as much as he did. Because when he loved me, I never felt more love in my life. This psychic also said something very important. I don’t have to move fast in relationships. She said that she sensed my friends moving very quickly in their love lives, but that I wasn't like that, which is so true. It took me over a year to be very intimate with Sam. That meant almost more than anything else she said. Because that is one of my biggest fears going into a new relationship. I don’t want any sort of horrific pressure; I need to go at my own pace to be comfortable with myself and the new man. This palm reading was just one more sign that I need to let go, and move on. And let myself be happy, because this state that I’m in right now is certainly not happiness. About three years ago was when I was first going through my breakup with my high school sweetheart. In this blog lets call him Sam. Sam meant so much to me, and I didn't know how to make it through without writing and expressing my feelings. I wrote something that I found a couple weeks ago in a secret folder in my computer. It was called Time. It isn't dated, but I know that it is from the time when I was just starting to move past my heartbreak. I am going to share this with you all. Looking back on the writing I did from my last break up reassured me that I will be okay with time. I am just not there yet. And you all will be okay too.
Time: What I have learned over the past fifteen month about moving on is simple, yet complicated. The only thing that truly works in order to move on is time. Time is a small four letter word which sometimes is just as complicated as the other four letter word, love. I never really realized how the two words are so connected. It takes time to fall in love, as well as time to move on from love. In my life, falling in love with Sam took time. I needed to get to know him. I had to learn what he liked, what made him happy, how he liked to please others, and how he treated me. Everything about him had to be known to me, until I fell for him. Now that can be different for everyone, but for me that’s how it worked. I can’t say exactly how long it took to love him, but it definitely took time. As for moving on, for me, the process still isn’t complete. Since we ended on bad terms, I had to go through so many different stages to get where I am today. I went through shock, sadness, hatred, happiness, and then I came to acceptance. I am finally learning to accept what happened and move on. This is a process that has taken so much out of me, and in the end made me a stronger person. Even though there were moments when I hated it more than anything, I can honestly say that if I didn’t go through all of these stages, I wouldn’t be strong, and wouldn’t be able to look at him without breaking. That is how time helped me. I used it to become strong and be okay. Time is your friend. It may not seem like it as it is flying by and you feel like nothing is changing, but it is helping. Slowly but surely, it is there by your side, helping you, every step of the way. |
Welcome!My hope for this blog is to remind anyone with a broken heart that things will be okay. Even though it doesn't seem like it, you will come out on the other side, the brighter side. Archives
February 2016
CategoriesTrust Me, It's Not You on The Web!Be sure to check out the articles I write for the SWExperts! They are all about relationships, dating, and love. Follow the link above to take a look!
Don't forget Trust Me, It's Not You is featured on Alltop! Check out what else is happening in their relationship news below!
|